I’m fairly sure you want to:

– Be leaner

– Be more energetic

– Have more money

– Do more fun things

– Have more close connections in your life

On some level we all do.

We’re all very good at dreaming about what we want and some of us will actually get to work on getting there but soon ‘fall off the wagon’.

I used to set goals based on numbers like fat loss percentage, muscle gain, monetary targets for business and so on.

They were largely just arbitrary based on what other people had done or what seemed a ‘reasonable but challenging goal’.

It standard goal setting principles like SMART.






But that stuff rarely actually works.

It helps to get your arse in gear for sure, but then so does being lashed with a whip!

The other problem is that (especially as a beginner to whatever you’re doing) you will tend to set either stupidly unachievable goals or be way too conservative because you have no experience to go on.

‘What do you want?” is no longer the first question I ask my coaching clients.

Generally what follows are socially based goals which can be rephrased as:

– I want to look like her off Instagram

– I want to lose ’14lbs in 14 days’ because I saw it advertised.

– I want to be the hot one in the friendship group

Instead I changed to a new question (or set of questions more accurately).

“What pain are you willing to tolerate?”

Sounds a bit nasty but get this.

The SINGLE BIGGEST REASON most people fail at their goals is that they are just not in a place mentally / time wise / financially to get there.

Right now they don’t have the strength and cannot tolerate the pain needed to win the battle!


By pain I don’t mean physically exertion or the way your legs feel on squat day.

Pain can mean inconvenience and what you have to give up.

You can’t train hard 3 times per week.

You can’t stop going out every Saturday to be able to afford a coach.

You can’t stop watching TV for half an hour to prepare healthy food.

You can’t let go go their bottle of wine every night.

When we ask the ‘pain’ question for each area of life we open the right door.

“How much time are you will to give up for this?”

“How much money can you make available?”

“How much longer can you carry on feeling like this?”

“How much of your current diet are you willing to give up?”

“Which friends are you willing to spend less time with because they encourage the things we know will keep you from your goal?”

“What conversations are you willing to have with your family / colleagues / boss?”

This establishes the ‘pain’ you are willing to endure for your goal.

This is where we start and where we work from.

A good coach will then be able to tell you whether it’s enough to start moving forward.

Obviously if you are willing to ‘endure’ none of the above, then an honest will tell you that you’re not ready for the coaching process or better, help you explore what you are scared will happen if you make that change.

It’s like a building a house.

It’s pointless me asking you to build me a 12 bedroom mansion if I only have £100,000 to spend and a plot of land big enough for a 2 bedroom Bungalow.

Establish the plot of land you have to build on then make the most of that plot.

As you progress you will find that you can expand your mental ‘real estate’ for bigger and better things.

It’s all about threat.

At first a calorie counting diet, with 7 training sessions per week and no drinking may just be too much for you to cope with and your personal ‘threatometer’ is on overdrive causing you to run away from the plan.

Establishing what’s okay and within your ‘pain threshold’ is a mega step forward because it helps you to start building the house!

As you get more comfortable with being in the gym, saying ‘No!’ to chips and bread and alcohol when you go out for a meal and so on, the threat level drops and you will often WANT to take some bigger steps.

Instead you become more process focused rather than putting huge weight on ‘The Number’.

It can take away a lot of panic and pressure and keep you on the path a lot, lot longer.

If you have a good coach you’ll be on the right path so it’s just a matter of time!

You’ll ask your fitness coach for that extra workout.

You’ll reduce your carb intake more and go for 4 weeks without alcohol.

You’ll spend less time with certain friends and replace it with a run or cooking some healthy dishes.

So today rather than dreaming about ridiculous goals and berating yourself for STILL not getting closer to them, think about what time, money and activities you are willing to sacrifice right now.

You now have the ideal plot on which to start building!

Different way of thinking…one that works!