I’m turning 30 this year which is pretty cool.

I’ve made it 30% of the way to my target which means I have a shit load left to go.

Still in the game!

Truth be told I think I worry too much to make it to 100. Challenge on.

So here’s 30 things you might not know. I’d love to hear yours – you remember some funny shit about yourself when you do this!

1) At 17 I fractured my spine and was told I’d never run again.

2) I once swallowed a marble and nearly choked. I then had to shit in a bucket for 4 days until my mum found it by stirring with a wooden spoon on her daily check.

3) I was called Gel Boy at school because I was so paranoid about how I looked I nearly bought shares in Brylcreem. This caused me so much upset, I shaved my head as soon as I was out of school and it wasn’t against the rules.

4) I cycled 3300 miles across America with my ex-fiancee including the Appalachians and Rockies having never done more than 40 miles on a bike and with training in Guernsey not possible over 107m elevation.

5) I was engaged for a while to my girlfriend of 5 years. (Then thought cycling America together and not showering for days on end whilst sleeping in a tent was a good idea). I am no longer engaged.

6) I once got knocked out trying to stop a fight. I now have a loss of feeling in the left side of my mouth. I have always had the need to have a fight to settle this score. I know it shouldn’t be like that but it is. This was due this year until I got injured. It will get done.

7) I came 2nd on the Weakest Link, losing to a pole dancer in the final.

8) I get so nervous at parties I have to do a few relaxation exercises before. I also can’t stand without a drink.

9) I once scored 47 goals in one football season. So close to the 50.

10) My school team of four guys came second in Britain in the Midland Bank Schools competition. The team we lost too appeared as our opponents 2 years later in an earlier round and we destroyed them. Take the chance when it comes.

11) I have a scar on my back from showing off on a water slide because of a girl. I slipped and ripped my back open on a nail sticking out.

12) My lowest blood pressure ever was 70/20 when I suffered internal bleeding from my bowels. A shit diet had led to diverticulitis. Scary stuff.

13) I once won the Rabindranath Tagore Cup for Spoken French. No, I don’t know either.

14) I once got stung on the asshole by a bumblebee whilst doing sit ups on a gym ball. Not sure who came off worse but it REALLY hurt.

15) I have to take a pee three times before talking on stage. Just in case.

16) I can’t attempt a 1RM squat test without ‘Bodies’ by Drowning Pool banging out.

17) I flipped a car in Death Valley. It rolled 2-3 times and landed on its side. Squashing blueberries everywhere which was annoying.

18) I cried at the end of the Winter Tough Guy because I was so cold and hallucinating about weird stuff.

19) I did 45 minutes of Summer Tough Guy in a state of lower body paralysis when EVERY muscle in my lower body cramped up worse than I’ve ever had it. I had to be dragged out the water at one point but got it done.

20) I have an Arabian Princess’ number in my phone. Not sure how that started.

21) I saw a counsellor at uni because I found it so hard to handle the social situations and not having my family and friends around.

22) I played short tennis at Wimbledon during the official championships as a ‘promising junior’. Turned out my Dad was in serious trouble with stomach ulcers and could have died but he insisted Mum took me to do this. Hero.

23) Some kids called me Spock in the swimming pool once because of my big ears. 20 years later one of them came on the fitness camps. I did the write thing and drilled him so hard he vomited out the back door. Don’t call me Spock.

24) I chased a burglar out of our uni house once. Then saw him at the bookies the next day and he asked me for a ‘smoke’.

25) I once had to shit in a children’s playground in America when we had to set up camp with no toilets around ANYWHERE. That clown game was probably never as popular again.

26) I can spell the longest word in the English language. I won’t type it here as that doesn’t really prove anything. Neither does knowing it off by heart I guess.

27) I once got off speeding by claiming diarrhoea and on the basis if I didn’t get home in 2 minutes, things were going to get messy.

28) I once finished Campus 14 on my own. This involves 1 pint of beer at all 14 bars on the Nottingham University campus in the space of about 4 hours including the walk in-between. Everyone bailed and I just had to do the last one for my own peace of mind. Felt horrendous the next day.

29) I can tell a lot about a girl by getting her to draw stuff. It’s kinda cool. I’ll show you if you promise to you use it honourably….

30) I make a video for my kids every year. I don’t have kids. I just know they’ll think I’m full of shit when I’m 50. It’s just to prove I was ‘doing it’ when I was still their age.

It’s been fun.

One day I’ll do the X-Rated one.

Now THAT’S some funny stuff…..

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